A Tear In My Eye

I have a tear in my eye but for a very good reason - not sad at all. It is a tear that appears when you hear of a kind deed and today I heard of a very kind deed towards my father.

My dad is suffering from Hodgkin's Lymphoma and is undergoing chemotherapy. My mum is such a tower of strength and is a very busy woman, albeit she is retired. She spends a lot of time teaching patchwork to fellow patchwork lovers and today was their last day before summer break.

Mum had set her friends a challenge to create a quilt from different types of fabric and her friend Anita had suggested last week that they had a competition in respect of same and asked whether my dad would judge. Mum said she had never meant it to be a competition but if that is what they wanted then she would ask my dad. My dad said "yes"!

Today when my dad arrived to judge the "competition" Anita and the rest of the group presented my mum with a gorgeous bunch of flowers, a card and £20 for her to spend on her trip to Caithness this week. Then from the background appeared another one of my mum's friend with a big box complete with bow and announced "this is not for you Mary, it is for Brian". The "competition" had been a sham all along and just a ploy to get both my mum and dad there.

Upon opening the box my dad discovered that every single member of the group had made a patch each of a quilt especially designed for him. It was based upon things my dad loves and in particular music. It even had the notes to "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow" embroidered on it.

My mum has just told me all this on the phone hence the tear in my eye. I love thoughtful surprises like this. My dad was apparently lost for words and very emotional and my mum was also.

Mum said it will have to hang on the wall somewhere as it is too beautiful to put on a bed :o) and here was me thinking it was to keep dad warm :o) !!

I will post a photograph of it as soon as I am able to take one but what a lovely thought that people care enough to take the time and effort to do something special for my special parents.

FOOD, EXERCISE AND AGE!!!

I have to hand it to the Wii Fit, especially the Wii Fit Plus which I have now upgraded to. It really does help you shift pounds pretty quickly and tones you up rather nicely.

That said however, I have noticed that given the fact I am now 39, healthy eating is an absolute MUST alongside exercise if you have any hope of losing the weight at all.

I have always had "issues" with food. In my teens and 20's, food controlled me in a way that I would sometimes go days without eating a thing. Crazy, yes it was. That said however, I completely understand this desire to be seen as "thin" given that I myself did fall into that category.

After having my daughter at the age of 28, I was, within 6 months, back in a size 8. Given the fact that I am 5'8" and weighed all of 8 stone, this was certainly NOT a healthy weight. I however felt fantastic - the "yummy mummy" image I desired was there. I never questioned the fact that my mind completely controlled my food intake or lack of intake as the case actually was. I just saw it as "normal".

A completely different story followed after the birth of my son in 2004. When I first fell pregnant with him I was a mere 8 1/2 stone but that soon changed and by my due date my weight had creeped up to an incredible 13 stone. I felt HUGE and I did not like it at all. However, after giving birth to Ruaraidh my weight never went below 10 stone and for some reason (a very good reason) my mind did not play it's little warped tricks with me - for a while anyway.

I discovered that I actually enjoyed food. In fact I LOVED food. I found that this new desire to eat changed my mindset completely and I ate and ate and ate to the point that my weight creeped back to an incredible 13 1/2 stone at my heaviest. It was then that I realised that my mind was playing it's little warped tricks with me again except in reversal.

I decided that it was time that I took control of my mind and did what I wanted without going from one extreme to another. I began a programme of exercise both walking and using the Wii Fit and healthy eating. It was and still is so hard but I do give myself the little odd treat every now and then - you have to or it will never work!!!

Upgrading to the Wii Fit Plus at Christmas (courtesy of my mum) gave me a renewed surge of energy to beat my "battle". I am well on the road now to being comfortable in my own body and skin and I love it that it is now ME who decides that I will eat sensibly, exercise properly and set a good example for my kids. Having lost 2 stone now, I have 1 stone left to achieve my "ideal" weight. Will I push it a little further, in all honesty yes! For me MY ideal weight is 9 1/2 stone - makes me realise that perhaps there are still a few "tricks" still playing around in my head but that said, I know that is a weight that I will be happy with and will not show the bones and skeletal features that were extremely prominent when I was below 9 stone!

Quote which sums up my feelings perfectly!

"Force always attracts men of low morality" Albert Einstein sums up my feelings completely with the aforementioned quote. Tonight I received some disturbing information regarding a man whose morals are in the gutter, in my own opinion of course.

There is little more that I can say at this present time as I have to be careful with my thoughts and feelings regarding this man. What I can say is that it has nothing to do with my "love life" - that is non existent and perhaps too much information is given out there regarding that but hey, that's me, honest till the end.

I am frustrated I cannot comment more regarding this man but feel ever so slightly better for blogging my feelings with the aid of 'Albert'!

I lOVE my brother's car !!!

Totally decided after the last couple of days that I really want the Honda Civic - my Corsa is completely redundant after driving my brother's really cool car!!! My kids would concur with me as well as they are so damn honest - like their mother!

I LOVE Martin's car, even with all the gadgets it has. It is super to drive, fantastic to look at and okay it has tons of gadgets but hey, I am a gadget woman ;o)!

Last time I changed my car from Astra to Corsa was purely because I could not be bothered cleaning out the Astra and thought "what the hell, just get another car" and I did! However, after driving my brother's super cool car over the last couple of days, I have realised that I really WANT (notice I did not see NEED) this amazing car. I love, love, love IT!!!! Getting the picture???

Also, I have completely decided an automatic car is the way to go - you just 'point' the car and DRIVE, ohhhhhhhhhhh yesssssssssssssssssssss LUVIN IT!!!!!!!

I think a visit to the garage is on the cards - gawd I am soooooooooooo impulsive - but what the heck, you only live once eh ;o)

Are you Scottish?????

My boy really comes out with such funny sayings but today was an absolute classic. My brother is still in hospital and today we decided to take the 'joker' of the pack along to cheer him up - my boy Ruaraidh!!!

Did he manage to cheer him up? Oh yes, he certainly did when his Auntie Angela said to Ruaraidh "we are going oot that way". Ruaraidh turned to her and said "are you Scottish"? Angela replied, quite rightly, "yes, so are you" - she was also laughing whilst responding. Ruaraidh said "Oh, are you really Scottish"? Angela said, "yes Ruaraidh I am really Scottish and so are you, why do you ask". With an innocent look Ruaraidh responded "well you said 'oot' so you must be REALLY Scottish". Needless to say we all collapsed in fits of laughter.

This is not the first time Ruaraidh has came out with an 'innocent' classic. I remember him asking my brother if he could have a biscuit and Martin nodded his head at the same time as saying "nut", (my brother does joke like this). Ruaraidh said to him, again, quite innocently, "I don't want a nut Uncle Martin, just a biscuit please". Bless him, he really is quite funny and does not actually realise it.

Angela said to me today though "show's you the difference of being brought up in Edinburgh and going to a very good school". Makes you think though, I am only 6 miles from them and our 'language' is completely different. Whilst I can switch between 'Bonnyrigg' and 'Edinburgh' chat, the kids find it so much harder!!!

My Motto

Why an image of "Let's Party"? Well, it kinda ties in with my motto of living each day as if it were your last as you never know what will happen tomorrow.

What is it they say?

Yesterday is history
Tomorrow is a mystery
Live for today!!!

Never a truer word spoken, in my opinion of course ;o) !!!

Are you thinking I have had a particularly shit day? Well actually I have! Although I have had days worse than this soooooooooo there is a positive ;o)! I love how I can find the positive out of the crap - that is a fantastic quality of mine, if I say so myself, which probably keeps me going - my glass is definitely half full !!!

My brother is still in hospital - shock, horror - no surprise there then! I have decided that St John's is absolutely meticulous when it comes to cleanliness - other than that, they are crap! However, Martin did tell me their "fish and chips are bloody amazing". So, perhaps their food is as good as their cleanliness!!! Other than that, I have absolutely nothing nice to say about that hospital. OMG check out their rules and believe you me, they STICK to their rules! Strict regarding visiting time, strict regarding how many people to a bed - get a life for goodness sake people. They actually remind me of this EVIL traffic warden (I am going to digress here) in Morningside who is such a stickler for rules I am actually seriously tempted to knock him off his moped! He is actually a serious EVIL nightmare! I did tell him he was evil the other day which I think has made him seek me out more! What's a girl to do, I am honest through and through and he totally did deserve to be told the truth!

Anyway, back to St John's Hospital. They are soooooooooooo NOT forthright with answering questions. Trust me, from experience, Q & A with St John's Hospital does NOT work! Martin has been moved into isolation as they have no idea what is wrong with him but they do reckon it is contagious - whatever "it" is that is! Angela, Robert and myself have to "quarantine" ourselves as best as possible - they are having a laugh aint they? Quarantine - what do they expect us to do? Hide away? No answers as to what is wrong with Martin and perhaps wrong with us if we have contracted anything that is!

Soooooooooo hence my motto - "Let's Party" and live for today - I may wake up tomorrow and have some dreaded disease which shall require my isolation! So, for tonight, I shall sit and drink a few lovely chilled glasses of rose vino and make a toast to "life" ;o)

Bring ME sunshine - not hospital visits!!!

Why are the "Two Muppets" gracing my blog? Well, the reason is the fact that these Two Muppets actually did bring a little sunshine into my life today in the form of a good old laugh courtesy of the Sun's dare I say "genius" photograph and caption. Other than that, would these two really bring anyone sunshine?

I have had one heck of a day today with two trips to very different hospitals. When it comes to hospitals, you have to realise that they practically come with the territory of being a part of my family. My mother having worked in Edinburgh Royal Infirmary for the best part of 25 years. I myself having worked in the Pathology Department - I loved that job!! My darling younger brother having been in and out of hospital since approximately 2000 due to cancer. Obviously various members of the family having babies, myself included and now my dad having treatment at the Oncology Unit at the Western General Hospital. Oh and who can forget my sister in law's emergency trip only 6 weeks ago now to have her gall bladder removed ! So you see, hospitals really do feature quite a lot in my family's life!

The only trip I was expecting today was to collect my father from Oncology following upon his two weekly dosage of chemotherapy. Now I do not normally do this "run" as my brother, Martin, is the designated driver for the chemo trips whilst I deal with the shopping run with my mother. However, Martin was pretty unwell yesterday so I had prepared myself for the fact that I was given a new duty today!

That one expected trip very quickly turned into two trips to two different hospitals miles apart upon my arrival home from taking the kids to school to see my mobile phone flashing 'you have a message'! I always leave my mobile at home in the morning - it is a very bad habit that I really must get out of!

The message turned out to be from my sister in law Angela asking me to call her urgently. I called to discover that Martin had been rushed into Edinburgh Royal Infirmary in the wee small hours of the morning due to his throat "closing up..........."! Quite scary stuff I hasten to add. Angela went on to tell me that he had now been moved to St John's Hospital in Livingston as he was suffering from acute tonsillitis with the added unusual factor of a quinsy (peritonsillar abscess - yes I googled it) which is a very rare condition which can occur from acute tonsillitis. What I found strange was the fact that the NEW apparently 'State of the Art, Edinburgh Royal Infirmary' does not have an ENT Department! Bizarre!!

Due to the fact that Martin had been taken by ambulance in the early hours, he did not have his wheelchair (he lost his leg to cancer), crutches, clean clothes, toiletries - all the usual stuff that you need whilst in hospital with him. So, considering that the only driver in the family who was not in hospital was me, the duty fell upon me to ensure that all necessities were delivered to Martin.

This entailed a quick drive in my own car down to my brother's house to collect his wife, son and belongings and his car as my little Corsa would never have taken the wheelchair. Oh my goodness, my first challenge of the day, driving an automatic car! I did say to Angela and Robert "do not worry, it will take a little time but the car will stop kangaroo jumping as soon as I get hang of it". My darling little nephew replied, "it is okay Suzanne that car always kangaroo jumps"! YES, what a result, I am a great driver after all ;o) !!

The drive to Livingston proved to be uneventful although once in the hospital it was a completely different story. The patient in the next bed to Martin had a cardiac arrest literally minutes before we arrived. Needless to say, it was rather crazy with doctors and nurses running around and the call of "crash team.............." sent shudders down my body. We were ushered into a waiting room complete with quite a few patients and given the fact we had wheelchair, crutches, bags and ourselves, the room became quite crowded. The patients who were in the room were quietly whispering about the "incident" and all I could think of was the fact Martin was still in the same room as this patient whose life was literally on the line. Thankfully a nurse came in around 15 minutes later and I heard her telling one patient that the man was fine, well fine in the sense that he was being moved to intensive care.

We finally got to see Martin and off loaded his belongings - actually Angela, being the very good wife she is, set to work at folding away his clothes into the little cupboard you get beside your bed - why are these cupboards so small? Angela and I then left Robert with his dad whilst we went to purchase him a newspaper to read hence the photograph on this blog - yes, my brother reads the Sun !! We had to bid him a swift goodbye as time was pressing for me to collect my two kids from school and get back to Oncology to collect my dad.

I actually brought both kids out of school early as this was to prove the only viable option. Chloe was ecstatic due to the fact she missed half an hour of comprehension and Ruaraidh was ecstatic due to the fact his mummy was driving Uncle Martin's "cool" car - is my Corsa really so boring?

Drove home to my sister in laws and deposited her and the two boys. Chloe wanted to come to Oncology with me so I ensured that her tie was straight, blazer de-fluffed and hair brushed. Angela laughed at me saying that she had told Robert that he "could not wear jogging trousers to hospital and had to look smart". It made me think "why the necessity to look smart for hospital"? Is this a "mum" thing? It is obviously a Suzy and Angela "mum" thing ;o). That said however, I think Chloe feels such a sense of pride in her full uniform and although I am biased, she does look absolutely fantastically turned out!!

Chloe and I arrived at Oncology just as dad's chemo was finishing which was really good timing as we were going to miss rush hour traffic. I am so glad I went to collect both him and mum as they really did look tired. Chloe was fascinated with the amount of people sitting around smiling with cannula's in their hand/wrist/arm - in fact any where a nurse can find a vein, taking in drugs which are hopefully killing off their potential life threatening disease. I think it did Chloe the world of good to actually see what happens in Oncology. Actually, I really would recommend a trip to Oncology to anyone who ever feels down in the dumps as the people there who are fighting life threatening illnesses are absolutely AMAZING!! They are ALL so positive and upbeat and come in all shapes, sizes, age, colour religion etcetera yet share the same common goal - 'let's fight this cancer' and by god, they really do fight hard!

I finally got my parents home around the back of 5 and then drove back down to Angela's. She had kindly made dinner for all of us which was very gratefully received as I realised I had not had a thing to eat all day. I must admit though that my slightly warped brain did think "hmmm wonder how many lbs I have lost today" - not really a good way to think about it but something I can address later ;o).

So, my share of hospital running is over for the day and has "sunshine" been brought into my life. Yes, it certainly has through being able to help out my family, spend quality time with them, introduce my daughter to the wonderful world of positivity in relation to illness and of course, not to forget, my laugh at the Two Muppets above.

On that note I should finish as my son lost his first tooth today which thankfully did not warrant a hospital visit ;o) but does warrant a visit from the tooth fairy and in case she forgets to arrive, I best go remind her now ;o) !!

A Sad Day

I know that there will be many people in the UK who will be pleased with the announcement that Gordon Brown has resigned as leader of the Labour Party but I, for one, am sad. That said however, I cannot help but laugh at Sky News - I swear, they really are bringing entertainment into this hung parliament fiasco.

Yesterday, they provided me with a giggle regarding "electing a pope is more transparent" and today we have Adam Boulton v Alastair Campbell having a full blown argument regarding Gordon's resignation.

Lord Steel was very gracious when he said "as a Chancellor for 10 years and PM for 3, he should be allowed to have time with his young family..........""! I like Lord Steel and I wish Gordon Brown all the best.

Now time to go and laugh some more at Sky News .................................................. ;o)

CONFUSION

I have a lot of confusion going on in my life right now. Confusion, I have decided, is not good for the soul nor the brain, given the added sleep deprivation that runs along side my "confusion".

Some areas of confusion I can discuss here on my blog right now - others must take a back seat until it is time to bring them to the forefront.

So, where do I start at present? Hmmmmmmm I think I should start with the "Case of the Missing Nutella Jar"!! So here is the plot - the kids love Nutella spread on toast occasionally for breakfast. Spotting a "bargain" at Asda's about 10 days ago, I purchased 2 large jars on BOGOF (buy one get one free - just in case you did not understand the BOGOF concept). For practically the whole week both kids decided to have Nutella on toast for breakfast - no problem - that was, until yesterday! My eldest went to the cupboard to remove the Nutella and it was gone, vamoosed, completely disappeared - that is, both jars! She promptly shouted at her younger brother and hearing the commotion, I went into the kitchen. I was able to confirm that I had put the empty jar of Nutella in the bin the day before so thought it was a simple case of number 1 daughter not looking properly in the cupboards. However, on close inspection (as in taking every single item out of the cupboard) the full, unopened jar of Nutella was no where to be seen!

I then turned my attention to the fridge - no sign of it - looked in the microwave (I have been known to deposit "silly" things in there) and again no sign. With my sternest look I then turned to my kids and said "okay, who took it"? Their complete look of indignation told me straight away that they were not culprits. Fact - my son never lies - my daughter can tell a lie but is so transparent with same, the game is up with a couple of probing questions.

So where the heck was it?????? Did I actually purchase 2 jars? My daughter assured me I did. Did I drop a jar on route from supermarket to car or from car to house? Again, my daughter assured me that "no mum, you put 2 jars in the cupboard"!

So what were the other options? Given that I do not believe in phantom, ghost like figures entering the house and removing Nutella jars, that one was out of the equation but suddenly it dawned on me, like a light switch clicking on and I did not like this dawning realisation! I have a friend who has "problems". Her problems are of the binging type and her favourite binge food - yup, you guessed it, Nutella! Scratching my head I thought "no, she couldn't have, she wouldn't have, would she"? Realistically it could be the only answer as she had been at my house during the week, she had seen the Nutella AND commented on it, I had left the house several times leaving her alone with enough time to snatch and hide the jar! How bizarre though! Also, how on earth do I confront her regarding a jar of Nutella? Is it worth the confrontation?

I think I shall postpone my "Confusion" post at this point and return to the subject later as I walk off still scratching my head that the most likely scenario for the missing Nutella jar is my mate!!!