HIKE

Weather supposed to be fantastic tomorrow and I am seriously thinking I should take myself out for a long, long hike.

I thought I was "picking up" but for some reason I still feel very much on "the edge".  It is damn annoying and I am tearful with everything, including bloody Emmerdale!!!!!

Doctor Mac, my psychiatrist has taken an in house job and a locum is to take his place.  7 years with the same psych doc then you need to see a locum.  It's not good.  It's not ideal but it's life!  I think I should phone tomorrow and make sure an appointment has been made.

I have taken a step back from Unfairpak and Sharon has been fabulous at keeping up with emails and keeping the site running.  I do feel guilty but I just cannot cope with it just now.  Everything seems to be piling on me and I cannot figure how to shove it all off, to ease the burden on my shoulders, to bring myself back to a sense of "normality".

The weather has not helped.  I detest the rain and dark, cloudy days.  However, today was sunny and I still felt "down". 

The kids are off and here I am thinking "what can I do".  I have a night out with the girls on Friday and am not particularly looking forward to same but I will go and hopefully that will lift my mood.

Bipolar stinks big time!!!!  I do have many "masks" but even my masks are not working.

I gave a short interview to Richard from the Telegraph today so that he could talk about Unfairpak in a lecture he is giving regarding campaigning and the power of the internet.  He said, probably quite rightly, that Unfairpak was more than likely the very first, successful campaign that was run through the internet.  That is prolly why Paul from the Herald pushes me to write my book but there is no motivation there and there damn well should be as this is my story to tell.

In the words of WillIam if you feel it say "HELL YEH" but I don't "feel it".  I want to.  I want to say "Suzy get writing that fricking book", "Suzy, give yourself credit for your achievements and that of your colleagues on Unfairpak" but I can't.  Sounds stupid, don't it?

The best thing for me tomorrow is drag myself out of bed, get my hiking boots on and walk - for miles - it will clear my head HOPEFULLY!!!!!!

I will TRY!