So my bi-polar is playing silly buggers with me again sadly! Thankfully I was bag packing Saturday which took my mind off things for several hours.
I am not sleeping or eating well and having terrible nightmares when I do sleep.
I have been "seeing" monks without faces, carrying crosses and chanting the Eternal Rest prayer along with my name. The only consolation I have from that is that I know it is not real. Had it been several years ago, I would have been convinced that these monks were real, alive and walking around the place specifically targeting me.
I saw my psychiatrist and he did ask if we should change meds or weather the storm. I chose the latter.
My stress levels have been extreme. A friend's mother died, I had her funeral to attend, my daughter's schooling is in the hands of a charity just now to see whether I can get her into private school as state school will just not be able to cope with her needs. My dad is clear from cancer but is in terrible pain with his back and also has a terrible chesty cough and looks pretty crap to be perfectly honest.
I have been spending money foolishly again. Although the bonus there is the fact that I cannot get credit.
It is such a shit disease to live with and there is no cure. Yes, it can be managed with meds to a certain extent but I am living proof that meds don't keep you sane!!!!!
I live for my fund raising just now. If I don't have anything on for a few weeks I get all jittery feeling that I must be doing something to fund raise. It is all about focus, all about the need to keep going. Sometimes I wonder if I put too much pressure on myself. Oh I dunno, I am just rambling hence the title of this blog!
Laters peeps xxxx
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